Never-Ending Pursuit

December 17, 2024


There’s a voice that lives inside me, one that I can't ignore, no matter how many times I try. It’s persistent, relentless, and always pulling me forward. It's the voice that whispers, sometimes with a hint of impatience, “That’s not right yet. You can do better.”

It's a strange thing, this constant drive for improvement. It’s not about external pressures or expectations. It’s not even about achieving some predefined version of success. It’s the simple, intrinsic need to take something I’ve already done and do it again—differently, better, more fully.

And yet, it’s often hard to stop myself from going over the same thing, the same piece of work, time and time again. I’ll pick it up, put it down, and then pick it up again, driven by an overwhelming urge to improve, to perfect. Some days, it feels less like a pursuit and more like an obsession. I’ll push and prod until I get closer to something that feels just right, but then I’ll step back and think, “No, not quite yet.” So, I dive back in.

Behind the Obsession

At its core, I think the reason I—and many others like me—can’t let go of the need for constant refinement comes down to one thing: expression. I’m not working simply for the sake of working, but for the desire to express something that feels important, something meaningful, something that carries a weight of truth or emotion. Each piece I create is a reflection of my thoughts, my emotions, my experiences. But the problem is, it’s always imperfect. It can never quite capture everything I want it to.

When I get close to finishing a piece, there’s always that nagging sense that there’s more to be said, more to be uncovered, more to explore. The act of creating something isn’t just about presenting a final, finished product to the world. It’s a process, a continual evolution, and with each brushstroke, each shape, each line, I’m saying, “I can do better.”

New Kind of Meaning

Some people might argue that perfection is an illusion, that the pursuit of it is a fool's errand. But for those of us who create—whether through art or any other form of expression—perfection doesn’t mean flawless. It doesn’t mean that everything aligns just so, with no room for error. Perfection, for us, is about going further, about pushing the boundaries of what we’re capable of achieving.

It’s a concept that’s evolved over time. When I first started creating, I thought perfection meant hitting a particular standard. I thought it meant everything had to be technically correct, polished, and precise. But as I’ve grown in my craft, I’ve come to realize that perfection is more like a horizon—always ahead, always out of reach, but there as a guiding point.

It’s not about fixing everything. It’s about continually moving forward, from one piece to the next, always striving for a deeper understanding, a better execution. Each creation is a step closer to something I may never fully reach, but I know that each step, no matter how small, is part of the journey. And that journey is what matters most.

The Endless Cycle

It might seem frustrating, this constant desire to push further. To many, it may appear as a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction. But for us, it’s exactly what keeps us going.

Without the drive to improve, to perfect, why would we create in the first place? What’s the point of art, of work, of any craft if it isn’t about growth? I don’t work to simply finish something and move on. I work because I want to constantly stretch my limits, to see how much further I can go. With each new piece, I’m telling a story, yes—but more importantly, I’m telling the story of my own growth, of where I’ve been and where I’m headed.

There’s a strange beauty in that tension, in the space between what I’ve created and what I hope to create. In fact, I’ve come to realize that this tension is what drives me—it’s the engine that propels me forward. If I were to ever feel fully “done,” fully satisfied with my work, then perhaps I would lose the very thing that makes me an artist, a creator.

Beyond the Canvas

And so, I continue. Each new canvas, each new project, is a chance to say something I haven’t quite said yet. A chance to express what has been simmering beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to emerge. It’s not about perfection in the traditional sense, but about going further, about discovering new layers of meaning and new ways to express them. It’s about taking the same idea, the same impulse, and finding new ways to explore it.

At the end of the day, I think this is what keeps me going. It’s not about achieving perfection in any conventional sense. It’s about the pursuit—the act of always striving, always moving forward, always working to do better. And as I look back on the pieces I’ve created, I see not just the work itself, but a map of where I’ve been, and more importantly, where I still want to go.

So I’ll keep saying to myself, “That’s not right yet.” And then I’ll pick up the brush, the pen, the tool, and keep pushing forward, one step closer to something I can’t quite define—something better than what I’ve done before.

In that pursuit, I’ve already found the meaning of perfection. And perhaps that’s the most perfect thing of all.